Dear Birthmother,

Dear Birth mom, We cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through right now. There is nothing we can say in this letter or put in this profile to make this easier for you. We hope and pray that this will be the hardest decision of your life and that nothing will be this difficult for you ever again. We know that we are no better than all of the other couples and families that you are going to be learning about. In many ways they may even be a better choice than we are. I am sure that many of them have been married a lot longer than we have and have been going through the infertility process a lot longer than us as well. After going through this process we have so much empathy for them and we hate it that by being chosen we would be keeping another couple from having the child they have dreamed of. It just doesn’t seem right to be competing for a child. However, we feel that birth mothers should chose who they want to parent their child, and it wouldn’t be right if there weren’t a lot of choices of couples and families to pick from. As far as our lives are concerned; we have been married for a little over two years now. We had a really small wedding on the beach and had a big and fun reception at home. We did the hokey pokey, the chicken dance, and some other dances that the kids (and us) enjoyed. We also had bubbles for everyone to play with. We wanted it to be more of a party than a formal event. Neither one of us are into really formal events (although we do go to them every now and then). We have many children in our lives and try to spend as much time with them as we can. The two most crucial children are two young men who are thirteen and ten. I (Jessica) have been volunteering to take care of them for seven years now and I (Todd) became a part of their lives when we started dating. They spend the night with us every Saturday and go to church with us on Sunday. We do what we can to help them (such as; buy clothes, shoes, cell phones, etc…) because their Mom is single and struggles to make it. Their Dad has nothing to do with them, so I (Todd) am the only “Dad” they have. They are amazing young men and we are so thankful to God for putting them in our lives. We attend church every weekend (unless we are out of town or sick) and are involved in the middle school ministry and we love it. We help lead small groups on Wednesday’s and help on Sunday’s as well. We really enjoy seeing these children turn into young adults and witness the passion and faith they have for God. It is truly amazing to see! We both have full time jobs and college educations. I (Todd) have an associate’s degree in electronics engineering and work as an electronics engineer in the telecommunications industry. I (Jessica) have a bachelor’s of Science in business with accounting as my focus. Yet, I kept the job that I had before my degree because I absolutely love it. I currently work with mentally handicap adults and wouldn’t have it any other way. It is very challenging at times, but also very rewarding. I do plan on being a stay home Mom when we are blessed with a child and/or children. I love my job, but have always dreamed of being a stay home Mom. If it is at all possible, I am going to do it. As a little girl my Mom worked almost 24 hours a day and I very rarely ever saw her. It was so hard on me to always want my Mom and to never have her there (I understand that she had to work because she was a single Mom, but that didn’t make it easier for me). I vowed that when I had children I would be there for them when they were sick or when they just wanted me. We wouldn’t have as much money, but we feel that it is best for children to have their Mom’s at home with them if it is at all possible. We are also blessed to already have four adopted children in our family. I (Todd) have four younger siblings who were all adopted. There are two boys (who are bi-racial) and two girls (one of which is tri-racial and the other is caucasian). The boys were adopted as infants and the girls were two and eight when my parents got them. They are really awesome kids and we feel so blessed to have gotten the chance to know them. We are a diverse family! We are also licensed foster parents although we haven’t been blessed with a child in that way yet. We are only interested in foster to adopt kids (which means they either are already up for adoption or will be soon). There have been many children that we have been called about and wanted, but the case workers haven’t chosen us because of where we live. Most of the calls we get are for kids that are near Indianapolis and the case workers like to keep them close to home. We decided to open up as many options as we can in order to be blessed with a child and/or children. Furthermore, we love animals and have several. However, there is not hair everywhere because we have vinyl floors (that look like hardwood) and leather furniture. It is so much easier to keep the hair to a minimum this way. It also helps for people who have allergies. Because of having vinyl and leather people who have cat and dog allergies don’t seem to have issues when they come over (our house is a very child and animal friendly home). We have three indoor animals that include; two dogs (a pug and a shih-tzu) and one cat. We also have seven outdoor animals that include; two more dogs (a sheltie and a lab-rottweiler mix) and five more cats. Our cats are allowed to go in and out as they please, but they prefer it outside unless it’s raining. Our outdoor dogs and cats have been given our attached garage. We have a heater and a dog door in there so they can be warm in the winter and go in and out whenever they want. In closing this letter, we just want to say that you have to be one of the bravest people in the entire world to be doing what you are doing right now (we know that many people are probably telling you this, but we don’t think it’s possible for you to read or hear it too much). Many young women (and/or men) could never make it to this point. We pray that whatever decision you make that your child grows up to be a healthy, happy, and loving individual who is passionate for God and has all of the faith in the world. Sincerely, Todd and Jessica

Jessica's Mistakes

One of my favorite songs is titled; Lessons to be Learned. The concept behind the song is that there is no such thing as a mistake; there are only lessons to be learned out of the mistakes we make. I don’t know if I agree with it 100%, but I do feel that I have learned so much about myself as well as other people from my past mistakes.> > You may find it odd that we are putting a section like this in our profile, but we feel that you should know about the things we have done, the regrets we have, and how these things will hopefully enable us to be better parents. If you have never done anything bad or made any mistakes how can you sympathize with a child when they make a poor choice and use poor judgment. It is much easier to understand if you’ve been there yourself.> > As a child, I made mistakes that most kids make such as; being mean to my parents, beating up my little sister, throwing fits in the grocery store, etc…As a teenager, I was really good for the most part until the summer after I graduated high school. That was the first time that I drank and smoked marijuana. The one thing that I am very thankful for is that I never ever smoked cigarettes (not that marijuana is better, but it isn’t addictive like nicotine). I also never did any drugs other than alcohol and marijuana.> > After I experienced these drugs it was really hard for me to quit doing them. I had started college and was working at a Day Care and I had good grades and was a good employee (I never ever went to work or school after doing drugs), but on the weekends it was party time! It became something I did with friends every Friday and Saturday night. I also had experience with men that I wish had never happened. I am very lucky to have never been where you are and also that I never got any type of STD.> > When I was 21 my life was changed forever. On September 21st, 2002 my Mom was killed in a tragic car accident. She died at the age of 47 and I never got to say goodbye. This tragedy is what caused me to seek counseling and what turned me in the right direction. I was engaged to the wrong guy for me, and after going to a counselor and talking about my childhood as well as my mistakes as an adult, I realized it and ended the relationship.> > I also found that I had a very low self-esteem and was able to work on that. I realized that I was a beautiful person and deserved to be happy. I deserved to have a wonderful husband who worked hard and had the same ambition that I had in life. I wanted someone to grow with me instead of just sitting on the side lines and watching me grow. > > The most important thing that happened in my life was six months after my Mom passed away. On April 6th, 2003 I was baptized. I had been so angry at God for letting my Mom pass away and not protecting her. As sad as this is, I realize now that in many ways God was protecting me by taking her away. Don’t get me wrong, I would give almost anything in this world to have my Mom back here with me, but I do believe when the Lord closes a door he always opens a window. He opened several for me.> > I feel as though I have learned so much from my mistakes. One thing I have learned is that you can’t change people, they have to change themselves. I have also learned that when a person decides to use drugs and/or alcohol that there is something going on inside of them that needs to be fixed. The main reason people do drugs and alcohol is to feel differently. It is so important to find out what they want to feel differently for. I know the reason I did them was to feel differently. I thought it they would make me happier and take away my problems. I learned that I needed to face my problems head on without the use of drugs and alcohol. > > I also learned that until you are happy with who you are, you will never be happy with someone else. I did things with guys because I wanted them to like me, not because I really liked them. Because of these mistakes; I learned that I wasn’t happy with myself and who I was, and was able to focus on changing my thoughts and feelings. Now, I love the person I am and am beyond happy with the man that I married. I know now that I deserve a man that is as wonderful as he is (not that he’s perfect, but he sure is good to me).> > I sure hope this part of our profile doesn’t scare you away, but we feel as though you really need to know these things before making such a difficult decision. We don’t want to keep secrets from you regarding our mistakes and regrets. We know that this section is either going to help us, or hurt us, but we wouldn’t feel right about this if we weren’t open and honest with you about these things. For me personally, the mistakes I made have turned me into a better person. As much as I hate that I made them, I wouldn’t be who I am today if they hadn’t happened. I believe the phrase, “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” and I know that I am a stronger person than I was before and that I will be a better Mom because of my past mistakes. Praise God!> > >

Todd's Mistakes

My mistakes are very different from my wife’s. I never had any problems with abusing drugs and/or alcohol. I grew up in a very sheltered environment. My parents home-schooled my brothers and me through high school, and the only places we spent much time at were; home, church, and with our family. We also lived in the country, so we didn’t even have many friends in the neighborhood. Everyone where we lived knew everyone else for the most part. We also never got the chance to date growing up, so I never really learned the proper way to date. As a result, I made two huge mistakes as an adult when it came to the opposite sex. I married two women who did nothing but take advantage of me (neither of them worked or went to college, they just shopped and played online all day). My first wife left me for another man she met on the internet, and the second one left me because she wasn’t willing to move when I was transferred to another city for work. I either had to move or lose my job and she decided her family meant more than me and our marriage… I am not saying that it was entirely their fault. I was young and hadn’t learned all that I needed to. I could have pushed them to do more in life, but I didn’t. After this happened, I really started to evaluate why I chose the women that I did and what type of husband I needed to be. Both of these women treated me badly, lied to me, and took advantage of me. I believed anything these women told me. Neither one of them seemed to have any respect for me. I don’t know for sure why I was okay with this; I guess I was just naïve. I learned that I was much too trusting of people. People really need to earn your trust; it is not something you should just give away. I also learned that marriage needs to be a 50/50 relationship. Both people need to be working and contributing (unless there are children and one stays home to take care them-that is enough of a contribution) When I talk to my wife about some of the things these women did to me she cannot believe that I didn’t realize what was going on. When I look back, I can’t either. It is so easy to beat yourself up for your own stupidity. I know I sure have… People can’t believe it when they find out that I was married two times before (and neither can I). You may wonder what makes this marriage different. You may be thinking, “How do I know this marriage is the real deal??? Why would I want my child to be raised by these people???” I know I would be thinking it. There are two big reasons that this marriage is different. The biggest reason is God. God is the center of our marriage and my wife and I remain faithful to him through the good times and the bad. My wife told me before we got married that divorce is not an option! She grew up with divorced parents and she vowed to not let that happen to her or her children. My wife is the other reason this marriage is different. She has so much faith in God and in me. I know that no matter what happens we can weather any storm with God as our compass. As my wife said; we are very skeptical about this section of our profile. We know that it could really hurt us and scare you away. However, after much consideration, we realized that in many ways it is more important for you to know about the mistakes we’ve made than to know of our accomplishments. We know that if we were in your shoes we would want to know these things. Your past is an important part of your future (the good and the bad). It has a lot to do with the type of parent and person that you’ll be. I know that I will be a better and more understanding parent because of these mistakes. I am very thankful to God for getting me in the right direction and teaching me so much in the process.

Why Adoption

Todd has four adopted siblings who we love dearly and when had a hard time getting pregnant we immediately moved into the adoption process. We are still trying to have biological children, but are praying to be blessed with a child through adoption in God's timing. We know God has a plan for us and our future children and as hard as this has been on us we know it will make us cherish our children even more...