In an ideal world there would be no need for adoption.  Any desiring adult (or couple) would be able to bear and child and raise them to adulthood.  But since we live in the real world this is not always the case.  Many people have trouble conceiving and sometimes even after the most sophisticated procedures modern medicine can offer, they remain childless.  Or they have one of more children but desire a larger family or siblings for their children and secondary infertility makes that dream impossible.  Some adoptive parents may have no trouble conceiving but choose adoption knowing there are children in the world who need loving homes.  At the same time there are people who become pregnant but are not ready to parent for whatever reason.  It may be financial hardship or it may be that they are still in school and not ready to parent.  Others already have one or more children and cannot envision being able to raise another at this time.  In other parts of the world, people relinquish their children because of poverty and political pressures.  Although it is not the ideal situation and there can be pain for all parties, there is also great love involved.  The love of the birthparent who forms an adoption plan because she or he wants the best possible life for the child.  The love of the adoptive parents who see no difference between adopted and biological children.  And the love the child feels as they grow knowing they were given the best possible chance. 

In this country, open adoptions are currently chosen the majority of the time.  This means that the birth parents and adoptive parents have some type of communication.  It can mean more limited communication in which the adoptive parents send photos and updates, or a website set up for the birth parent(s).  Or it can mean the adoptive parents are present for the birth and enjoy frequent visits with the birthparents throughout the child’s growing years.  Or it can mean anything in between those two examples – it is up to the birth and adoptive parents to form a plan that works for them.  Adoptive and birth parent relationships can be complicated as some may wonder how they will explain the different relationships to their child.  But they can also be very rewarding as the child will have photos, letters, and perhaps visits with birthparent(s) who can answer their questions. 

If you are reading this section perhaps you are pregnant and considering forming a birth plan for your child.  There is no shame in making this decision – in fact it is a very reasoned and mature decision to make.  Adoptive parents and the children involved will appreciate your unselfishness.  Even though the decision may be painful it may be the best decision for the child involved.  And fortunately, these days you can choose the parents who will raise your birth child.  You can also continue to have contact with them, so that you know your child is loved and doing well.  You may choose the adoptive parents based on a family resemblance, or after reading about their lives, or after meeting with them or talking with them by phone.  This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make and that is why you need all the necessary information.  Read through the profiles on this site to see if any of the adoptive parents seem to be a good match for you and your situation.  If you have specific questions for the adoptive parents you may contact them through this site.  Read the posts on the Adoption Forums at www.fertilethoughts.com where you ask more general questions about adoption.  The site has more that 40,000 members who are concerned with family building challenges.  Both this site and Fertile Thoughts are free services – we offer this because we want to help build happy and healthy families.  As a birth parent, you will always be part of an extended family, built upon the love of a child.